Honestly, the little things are most important. You know the saying "measure twice, cut once"? It applies in writing as well as any other discipline. Also, "the devil's in the details" fits.

Go back over your writing and check spelling and grammar. They aren't important when writing a draft, but afterwards, they become important. It looks more professional, and is easier to read.

After that, word choice comes in. Using the simpler words is usually your best bet. Flowery speech can confuse as often as inspire. But there comes a time when a simple "big" or "large" won't describe the person properly. Then we use something like "giant" or--one of my personal favorites--"brobdingnagian". All four words mean about the same thing, but if everything's giant, people will lose you.

That's my general spiel. You, personally, look to have a good grasp on spelling which, unfortunately, is the biggest problem with many people on this site. Your profile says you're in Denmark, too, so English may not be your first language. If so; congratulations, you spell better than most native speakers on the site.

Where you seem to be lacking is sentence structure, primarily punctuation. Sometimes you have a comma where a period would better serve, sometimes you don't have a comma where it would be beneficial. Capitalize the beginning of a quotation unless it continues a sentence that didn't stop when the quote was last closed. As I said at first, it's little things like that that, when correct, really help make your work shine.

I'll close by saying again that I really do like your ideas, and your stories are quite well-structured. with a little polish, they'll shine like the gems they are.

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The man is most original who can adapt from the greatest number of sources. ~Thomas Carlyle

I love being a writer. What I hate is paperwork. ~Peter de Vries